..my IE jus crashed on me so here i am retyping my entry.this really sucks.

had a great week. christmas was good,with services and all. the food was as usual very delicious. but due to a recent flu n cough recovery, i cant eat much.
felt much better after attendin services too. =)

christmas was usually a quiet affair at home, as for new years and birthdays. i stayed home and declined all dates so i could at least haf dinner wif my parents. so i patiently stayed home awaitin my dad's return frm the market or wherever at noon. he wasn home so i gave him a ring.at e first listen, i instantly realised that it wasn a local ringtone.it was clearly and obviously an overseas one. i knew where he was then.he didn pick up the call too. it struck me really hard, and i couldn control the outburst that came immediately after my realization.i jus cried.and cried.and cried. it was hard to withhold my tears inside for so long.

i then made some phonecalls, but everyone else was busy with something i guess. even if i did get through it was a hasty conversation,endin abruptly cos the other person had somethin to do or attend to. soo yeap. i went for service and i felt much better.

and i cant help but notice how they always care more for c than for me. my sadness is usually jus a drama to them,while hers, something they shud listen to and gif helpful advice. i feel like im just some kinda back up plan or somethin to them. but i noe i wuld always treat them as my good frens.

one common question asked durin these few days is
"any resolutions for the new year?"

i haven put enough thought into that and haven had time to reflect on everythin that happened in 2004. 2004 is difficult to sum up in one word,nonetheless. it was filled with ups and downs, rights i put wrong..and wrongs i put right.i hafta learn to think before actin too.
all in all, it was a whirlwind of emotions and fears. insecurity led to fear,which led to hopelessness.i slowly learnt to deal wif it all, with much needed support from people arnd me.altho there are many things that can nver be put right,i hope i made a difference by jus tryin.
2004 was filled with activities and much laughter, and soon found happiness in being arnd ppl who nver fail to cheer me up. the 2 squash camps were unforgettable,the frens i made,and their carefree nature taught me to open up even more and stopped myself from being ever so paranoid.
i must really thank those who have been my pillar of support and guided me tru all of it. if not for all of u, i wuldn be who i am today.

solitary isn bad,u jus hafta try findin e freedom that releases u frm ur inner fears.

-..so much hurt so much pain..-
-..takes a while to regain what is lost..inside..-
-..and i hope that in time..u'll be out of my mind..-
-..i'll be over you..-
-..and now im so confused..my heart's bruised..-
-..was i ever loved by you..-